really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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