my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize