TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
