4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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