I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
