How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
