well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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