haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
