i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
