I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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