my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
