I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize