I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
