I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
