she woke up with a sticky ear
dude i'm inner monologue high
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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