I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
