So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
