Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize