Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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