I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
