It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
