pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
