Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
