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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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