I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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