I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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