Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize