I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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