She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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