Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
