seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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