Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize