do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
