You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize