At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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