Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
