She said her name was "party"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
