The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize