Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
