I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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