I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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