I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
