You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
