4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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