Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
