i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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