my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
