So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
