I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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