I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
