textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
