i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
