I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize