Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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