these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
