no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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