he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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