if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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