Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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