I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
