i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
