dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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