I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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