What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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