I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
