i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
