apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
