Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize